Alternative to couples therapy = Positive Psychology in Relationships: How to ignite an upward spiral

Through the years, I have the privilege of working with couples in addition to individuals, organizations and groups.  It is so rewarding!  

When you think about couples therapy, do you think:

Fun? Exciting? Meaningful? Positive? Confidence building? Forgiving? Creative? Heart Opening? Practical? Goal-oriented?

Unlikely.

If you are like most people, you think,

“I am going to prove I am right.”

“I am going to change this person.”

“I want to fix this problem.”

“Here we go again.”

“Nothing will come from this.”

“We are doomed.”

Instead imagine a carnival, entering a fun house, holding hands in the tunnel of love, the kissing on the top of the ferris wheel, indulging in cotton candy, having a blast at the bumper cars, gathering souvenirs and laughing at the clowns.

How is it possible to make the dread of couples therapy totally disappear to create a warm-fuzzy exciting fun experience with quick and forever lasting results?

Using positive psychology in couples therapy

is a game changer.

Right now, in couples therapy, most of the time the discussion addresses the problems of the relationship. In positive psychology the paradigm focuses on what is working instead of what is wrong.

Using the lens of positive psychology, I was inspired to apply the philosophy in leadership and sustainable happiness to create an alternative to couples therapy, which is practical, goal-oriented, and positive! 

I call it the Conscious Relationships course. This means the couple is able to harness the power of positivity and move in a direction based on what feels the best for both of them.

Often times I work with people whose spouse watches the person get a Happiness Makeover. Sometimes a spouse decides to jump in and say, I will do it too!

As time is spent in the individual change process, the couple then realizes they have even another thing to master, their relationship’s happiness. The relationship happiness is separate from their own. If they work on their own happiness and achieve their own states of bliss and joy how does this relate to what the new relationship will be?  So I devised a couples course to guide the way.

 Here is a snapshot of a few of the highlights in a 7 week course:

  1. An unveiling of subconscious patterns driving bad behavior that is fun 
  2. An efficient process & support in changing bad behavior
  3. A forgiveness process to leave the pain in the past
  4. Application of harmony building tools to use in conflict
  5. A new understanding of ‘follow your bliss’ as a couple
  6. How to speak from your heart
  7. The ability to look at each other with a strengths lens
  8. A shared vision & action plan to create a happy relationship & life together
  9. Daily support as needed

*** Prerequisites for this course are the underlying truth of unconditional love, willingness to do something different, a true desire to forgive & let go of the past.

Let me share this vision with you….

The couple agrees to get on a “Love Boat” each couple gets to choose their own name for the love boat, which represents their relationship.

It helps objectify the creation of both people’s psychology in relationship and it adds a personification that gives an authentic experience for each couple.  

It is my job to help create the love boat and set it sail into the rainbow sunset. This includes providing a compass and the North Star, guidance through rough waters with realistic optimism while keeping the boat on track. Ongoing support for the achievement of success.

I like the boat theme because it is going somewhere; indicating change. It can go through the storm and reach the calm. 

Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs. The couple works together to consciously move in a direction toward a destination and can relax into the journey. They can throw unhealthy dynamics overboard that are harmful to the relationship and build healthy new ways of relating. There can be a theme song, a theme dance, and a lot of fun aspects in the creation of a couples love boat as it clearly authentically represents their vision of a positive uplifting relationship.

I understand the fear and negative association one can have with ‘couples counseling’. Often we hear of one person in the couple wanting to go to therapy and unable to convince the other one it is a good idea.

How does this sound?

“Honey, I love you. I am thrilled to invite you on a 7- week love boat to the destination of our dreams. It will be so fun and heart warming we will feel like we are at a carnival!”

Positive psychology has created a paradigm shift, now we can create happy relationships by focusing on the positive while consciously creating what is needed in a peaceful loving relationship.

How many marriages can positive psychology change? 

People in their first year of marriage who realize they have hit rough waters have found peace and direction in this program. People who have been married for twenty- three years are in this program to reinvent their marriage. People who are dating seriously have taken this program to ensure the relationship is the right one.

Using positive psychology and leadership principles to build happy relationships offers a new beginning.  

Dr. Aymee Coget